By Changing Nothing, Nothing Changes

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."

It all started with a car ride and a conversation with Ryan.  He came home from work one day this week and said, "Let's go for a ride."  This isn't uncommon.  We go for rides alot.  It's something we enjoy together.  While we were out Ryan brought up selling our house, again.  This isn't uncommon either.  We've known since we built our current house that this wasn't our "forever" home.  It was our first home.  It was our test run.  It was the start we needed.  But our end goal was to build on the land beside his parent's home.  That's what we've always pictured.  Harper Hill.  It has a nice ring to it. :)

But then there is me.  The girl who gets nervous at the thought of moving on.  The thought of leaving behind what is so natural, what is so easy, what is our normal right now. 

"I'm not sure I'm ready to put our house on the market yet." 

"You're never ready.  You never want to change anything.  It's like you're scared." 

Then there was silence.  Maybe there is a lot of truth to that statement.  Maybe I really am scared of change.  We talked some more about the big picture and what we envisioned.  I told him I had some reservations about moving.  One being moving away from Ben and Priscilla.  It's true.  They are 20 steps away.  I love living so close.  I love the thought of our kids growing up side by side.  To which Ryan said, "Hattie, Annalee, Ben & Cill can come over all the time.  We'll have the pool and they can practically live there in the summer."  I immediately said, "But they won't feel comfortable being at our house all the time."  With which Ryan right away responded, "Well we're going to make them feel comfortable!"  That made me smile. :) We arrived back home from our drive and the conversation pretty much ended there, with once again, no real clarity except for the fact that I'm a party pooper.  Atleast that was the conclusion I came to.

Later that night after Ryan was in bed, I really started to think about what he said.  As I started to look back on my life, I realized there may be a lot of truth to what he said.  I am very happy with being comfortable.  Change scares me.  I am not a big risk taker.  Most of the time, I think that's fine, but I do think that sometimes being that way can really hinder what you want for your end goal in life.

I'm the girl that cried before each big step in my life.  I cried the night before kindergarten.  I cried the night before 6th grade.  I cried the night before high school and yes, I even cried the night before I left for college.  It's been a joke with my parents, but now that I look back on it, it goes right along with what Ryan said.  I am scared of change.  The bright spot to this story is, I didn't look back.  I moved forward and in the end, something wonderful came from each step that I took along the way, scared and all.

I graduated from college and got a job right out of school in the field that I studied in.  I've been there there 8 years in June. Comfortable?  Yes.  Ryan has changed jobs several times since we got married and that in itself has made me scared every time.  However, he knows what he's doing.  He knows what he likes.  And he has not once, ever failed us with his decisions.   

I envy his courage.  I envy his ability to face any challenge, any new endeavor, any change with no hesitation.  But then again, I guess that does make us a great match.  I provide the stableness.  He provides the adventure.

So now, is it time to take another leap of faith?  Is it time to squash my fears?  It is time for a change? 

Sure.  Why not?  Because by changing nothing, nothing changes.  And I think we all know (whether we like it or not), change is a good thing.