You know what? Marriage is not easy. Anyone who says otherwise, can't be telling the truth. Right?! :) If it were easy, everyone would do it and everyone would stay married forever and ever. Amen. Unfortunately, that's not the case. But I do believe every trial and tribulation, every hard time, every difficult moment, make the good times that much sweeter.
I was trying to come up with some super cool post I could write about our first few years of marriage. Nothing really popped in my head right away except for some of the things I have realized along the way. So after 5 years of marriage, I am certainly not an expert in any way shape or form, but I do feel like I've learned a few things and thought it would be fun to share. Don't worry, I write these out because some of them, I need to remember myself!
1. That whole quote "Don't go to bed mad...", is stupid (Cue my niece telling me "Don't say that word!"). Not every day is perfect and every now and again you will be mad or hurt or upset when you go to bed. The more important part is to wake up feeling refreshed and not to hold a grudge. Grudges are never good.
2. Make each other your top priority. Many things will try to get in your way, but realizing that your spouse is #1 and everything & everyone else can file in behind, will only strengthen your relationship.
3. Appreciation will take you very far. "Thank you.", "I love you.", "Can I help?", "I understand.", "You look nice." - use them.
4. Feel good about yourself and take care of yourself. I've come to realize that when I feel good about myself (whether it be physically, mentally, spiritually, whatever), it then makes it easier for me to feel good about the things around me.
5. It's a joint venture. If you aren't willing to take the journey together, always, then don't take the journey at all.
6. Looks will surely fade, so I discourage marrying because of your partner's good looks. ;) Yeah, it's a nice bonus, but when you're getting older...becoming more flabby...waking up w/ bags under your eyes...noticing more and more wrinkles, yeah, you'll be glad you married someone you enjoy actually being around, too.
7. You can NOT change someone. I promise you. It's not possible. You may be able to change them for a month or 2 or even a year, but I can assure you the old person will show back up. Acceptance of your partner for exactly who they are & falling in love with that person, is a beautiful thing.
8. R-e-s-p-e-c-t. Nothing upsets me more than hearing someone talk down their spouse to their friends and nothing impresses me more than someone who talks up their spouse to their friends. Support one another. Have each other's backs. Build each other up. No exceptions.
9. Eat dinner together, at the dinner table, with the TV off.
10. You aren't going to agree on everything. That's a good thing. You're going to have bad days. Don't take it out on each other. Time alone is ok. If your relationship is struggling, don't add kids to the mix. Nights out with friends (sans your significant other) are ok. In fact, they're healthy. Laugh at each other. Laugh with each other. Have FUN. Pray together.
I really do believe you will get out of marriage, what you put into it. And if you care about nothing else I said, just remember this: no marriage is the same. Every relationship is different and what you see, may not always be what you get behind close doors. So focus on each other and don't compare your relationship to anyone else's out there.
Five years ago today, I vowed to be Ryan's best friend, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...and I stand here today, very happy that I took that vow. And let's be honest, now we have a teeny tiny, blue eyed, blonde haired, sweetie pie that deserves to grow up in a loving environment where she doesn't have to turn to the movies to know what a happy, healthy marriage looks like. She'll see it right here at home, everyday, with her parents.
Happy anniversary, Ryan! Here's to many more years of continuing to learn, continuing to grow and continuing to strengthen what we started 5 years ago. You are a blessing to me, Hokie, and now "Miss Mae". xoxo
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